#1. Never be seen eating in public.
#2. If you must eat, make sure it is uber-healthy yet tasteless. Never eat anything that is fattening, sweet, or tasty in any way.
#3. Exercise daily to the point of vomiting. This cannot be fun exercise like dancing or skating (who wants to see that!). It must be boring and miserable.
#4. Never be seen exercising in public; you must only exercise in your own home. We don’t want even the possibility of seeing a little fat jiggle. If you break this rule, we reserve the right to call you names and throw trash at you.
#5. You must be on a diet at all times. Preferably, you must be paying for it in some way. We need you to keep supporting the 104+ (Canada & the US) billion dollar diet industry. Yes, we know that you will only gain the weight back plus more. That is part of our plan!
#6. Take diet pills. They may give you a stroke or damage your heart, but you will lose 2-5% of your weight as long as you eat right and exercise as well. Of course, you will gain it back the minute you stop taking the drug.
#7. If a diet does not work, go have your stomach amputated or squeezed (weight loss surgery). You might die of complications. You will be 4x more likely to kill yourself than the rest of the population. If you don’t die, you will most likely have long-term complications and nutritional deficiencies that will reduce your quality of life significantly. You also have an excellent chance of becoming an alcoholic. Oh, and 80% of you will regain the weight.
#8. All your attention, your money, and your focus must be on the fruitless task of losing weight at all times. Nothing else matters. You should never have a life until you succeed at that, no matter that 95% of you will fail and that those who succeed where likely thin folks losing some weight they had gained.
#9. Wear dark, shapeless clothing for which you must pay outrageously. No bright colors or stylishness of any kind.
#10. Never wear anything that lets your flesh be seen. No sleeveless shirts, no shorts, and definitely NO BATHING SUITS!
#11. Never be seen having a good time with friends in public. We want to believe you are sitting home miserable. We certainly do not want to see you laugh.
#12. Never imagine that someone could want you romantically. Love is not for the likes of you. If you do get into a relationship and they happen to be abusive, suck it up and be happy someone bothers to interact with you in any way.
#13. If you break rule #12 and end up in a relationship, never show affection in public. This is especially true if your SO is fat.
#14. If you have children, they must eat perfectly. If they are fat also, we may come take them away.
#15. If you are a fat woman and you get raped, be glad for the attention.
#16. Work daily to blend into the shadows. Never remind us that you are there. We don’t want to see you.
#17. Never expect to have friends. If you do have friends and are female, accept that they might keep you around to make them look good. If you are male, make them laugh, fatty.
#18. Either be very quiet or jolly. Never, ever let us see you angry or upset. Take how we treat you and stuff it.
#19. Never pursue a higher education. If you break this rule and do, don’t you dare complain about accommodations. So what if you class does not have a desk that fits you?
#20. Never pursue a professional career. We don’t want to see the likes of you in our courtrooms or our offices. You won’t be able to find fashionable professional clothes anyway.
#21. Never complain when you are denied a job because of your looks.
#22. If we deign to employ you, never expect to receive the same pay as your coworkers; just be happy that we gave you a job.
#23. Never expect to get a promotion. We could not reward a fat person for anything.
#24. Go to the doctor often. The doctor will tell you that anything wrong with you could be fixed by losing weight. Never complain or speak up in response. Pay your money, hang your head in shame and get out.
#25. Never tell a thin person that thin shaming and fat oppression are different. Never point out that thin shaming is part of the hatred of fat. Never note that thin shaming is calling people names while fat oppression leads to lack of health care options, lack of job options and lack of acceptance in society.
#26. Never tell feminists or diversity advocates that fat belongs as a protected condition. You should not be protected, because you could change it if you really wanted to, fatty.
#27. Never be an academic that focuses on fat studies. We won’t publish your work, even if it is rigorous and well-written. We will keep you from tenure-track jobs. If you do land one of those, we just might deny you tenure.
#28. Never succeed at anything. If you do, we will point out that it doesn’t really count since you are still fat.
#29. Never stand up, stand out or speak up in any way. This would be glorifying obesity. We can’t have that.
#30. Whatever you do, NEVER become a fat activist and point out that society treats fat people unfairly. How dare you question our abuse and oppression of you!